The last time I ate Amish Friendship Bread, it tasted like burning.

If you just subconsciously corrected that last sentence to read “it tasted burnt”, thanks for visiting, and have a nice day. You, clearly, don’t have any idea what it means to taste like burning.

If, however, you pictured a small chemical-induced burn on your taste buds, thank you for coming. Please, stay awhile. (For you O.E. folks out there, it is much like the nasty Johnny Cake batter from the ’09-’10 Outdoor Education year at camp. Even the big german farm kids who devoured “fish shaped like fish” wouldn’t take more than one taste.)

“Tastes like burning” is a very technical term.

Things it does not mean:

  • It tastes spicy
  • It tastes burnt
  • It is hot in temperature
  • It tastes like liquid smoke

“Tastes like burning”, when used correctly, is only used to describe that inextinguishable chemical taste that comes from adding too much baking soda to a dish… or from eating Amish Friendship Bread (which is very poorly named, by the way. Filling someone’s counters with bubbling pre-bread goo is not a very friendly thing to do).  Now, before you call me a “hater” and drag me out of town to an isolated cave, allow me to defend myself.

Amish Friendship Bread smells divine, and it tastes delicious. … for about five seconds…

This is what happens to me when take a bite. “Wow. That is some good bread. It’s so good in fact that….” (wait for it) *zing* “wow… that was kind of a weird taste… kind of a tastes like burning. And it’s not going away.” then I take a drink of water and it still doesn’t go away. I decide that it must have just been a bad bite and try again. Thus restarting the process and prolonging the burning taste. … I’m not kidding (before you all rush and tell me that “it must have been a bad batch”, I insist that this happens on a fairly regular basis in a variety of locations. It’s not just me: it’s the bread). I’m beginning to wonder if the sweet goodness of Amish Friendship Bread is worth the burn.

Am I alone in this? Does nobody else taste the “burny” aftertones of Amish Friendship Bread? Or, perhaps it’s a conspiracy. Maybe everyone else does taste it, but is afraid to speak up… lest you go against the flow. (How very American of you).

This is your chance! Speak up now! Amish Friendship Bread Burn Victims Unite!