I’m afraid of the ice cream man.

There – I’ve said it.

From the shrill sound of the loud-speaker song, to the hand with a cigarette sticking out the passenger side window, to the overpriced ice cream… the whole idea just seems like a bad one to me.

First off, what type of person becomes an ice cream man? For some reason, it doesn’t seem like the perfect career choice for a law-abiding citizen.

Mom: “what do you want to be when you grow up, little Tommy?”
Tommy: “I want to be the ICE CREAM man!”

Mom: “What a mature and wise life choice! You will be rolling in the dough… and bringing joy to millions! What a hero to you will be, Tommy.”

Sorry, but I picture the “candy man” from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang each time the bright yellow van careens around the bend.

Second, why is it suddenly ok for kids of all ages to go RUNNING toward the road… toward a STRANGER in a van? Weren’t we taught to not talk to strangers? Much less, give them our money and eat whatever they hand us out of the window as they drive away? Something screams “DANGER!” to me.

Third, ice cream? Really? Why can’t we sell fruit? Or pepper? Or, even better, peppered fruit? Maybe some hummus and carrot sticks. Let’s find SOMETHING that won’t end the day in upset tummy.

Perhaps it’s because I grew up in the country, where the Ice Cream Man was in the “Tooth Fairy” and “Christmas Elf” category… or maybe it’s just because I “dare to be difrerent”… but next time I hear the sound of “The more we get together, the happier we’ll be” as the yellow van nears my apartment complex, I’m running for the hills instead of the curb.