A wise person once told me that if you swish Listerine mouthwash for a half hour, it could cause you to lose sensation / taste in your mouth for several days.

I, being a very skeptical person, decided to put this to the test and try swishing for a half-hour… partly to prove Taylor wrong (which does not happen often)… and partly because I was writing an email and didn’t want to have to get up half way through writing it.

The first minute or so was quite the experience. I slowly felt the germs melting away and taking my taste buds down with them.  It was a surprisingly fresh-feeling burn… unlike any given by a habanero or jalapeno.  I pictured my mouth slowly being melted away to be replaced with a fresh-smelling void in the middle of my face. I tried not to cry as I bid my teeth farewell.

Then… something strange happened.

I don’t know if everyone makes as much saliva as I do, but it was if my mouth was trying to fight back. Pretty soon, the mouthwash-to-spit ratio was about even, and the burning sensation came to a stop.

Maybe saliva neutralizes mouthwash or perhaps it was simply the quantity that quelled the fire within my mouth… but the last 25 minutes of swishing were a piece of cake.  (Not quite cake… more like a mouth full of warm minty spit. It’s not quite as lovely as you may think)

Well, now the email has been finished, edited, and sent, my half-hour is up, and now this blog post must come to an end so I can finally spit out the mouthwash.  Funny, I think I might miss it. It’s become like a part of me now.

Narrator: *Paula dramatically walks from the couch to the bathroom to spit into the sink… she takes a quick pit stop in the kitchen before returning to her chair to finish the blog post*

As you heard from the narrator, the mouthwash is now gone.

The kitchen pit stop was a sure-fire way to test my taste buds. I threw caution to the wind and ignored the clearly marked label from the mouthwash (it instructed me to wait at least a half hour before eating. What it didn’t say was a half hour after what? Starting to swish, or finishing? Because, if it was the first… I’m definately safe. If not, and I don’t wake up tomorrow due to mouthwash poisoning, I leave my half of the rent to Marta and my legos to Bethany. Please don’t forget me).  So far, the taste buds seem to be firing on all cylinders. (Those sea-salt vinegar pringles are just as good as ever). Yummy.

So (I can’t believe I actually get to say this for the first time in my entire life)

Taylor, You’re wrong.