Dear Coffee,

Seldom do we have this conversation.

Generally, I can sleep just FINE after drinking a double-super-large-grande-venti-express coffee.

Rarely have I been kept awake by the caffeine found in your, oh most lovely (and deliciously roasted) beans.

More often than not, your caffeine (dear coffee) has even been known to put me to sleep.

So, what has changed?

Why can’t my “seldom”s and “rarely”s become “never”? How is it that my “generally”s will not be known as “constantly”, or “more often than not” be read as “always”?

If they were, my computer would be resting comfortably on the shelf.

If those things could be true, I would not currently be so hungry.

If you, oh Coffee, could simply be as predictably ineffective at maintaining my conscious state as you have been in the past, I would have no need to write this letter to you, for I would have fallen asleep over an hour ago.

Not that I mean to snap, old friend. After all, you have been known to take away headaches, remove the morning fog, help me focus, warm me up on a cold day and generally make any day go better. I appreciate your bitter flavor so much, I find it difficult to ruin it by adding cream (dairy-free or otherwise).

But, why, Dear Coffee, have you chosen THIS night to keep me awake? A night when I had so many well-laid plans to get to sleep early?

If you get nothing else out of this letter, allow me to make my deepest petition clear: PLEASE LET ME GO TO SLEEP!


Pau Q.